I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
