ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
