I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
