I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Randomize
