Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
