I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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