ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
