There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Walk of Shame today included voting.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
