I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
