I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
