I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
