i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
