Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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