wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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