Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
