Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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