Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
