the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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