Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
