I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
