I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
