I'm pants shitting drunk right now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
