Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
