I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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