Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
