I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
