where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
