You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
