I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
