sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Randomize
