you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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