I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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