well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
