Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
