I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
