im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
