I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
