Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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