I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
