Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
