This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
