take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
