If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
