my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
