toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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