If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
