I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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