Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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