Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize