He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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