Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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