i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
